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Reading, Purpose, and Fear of Uncertainty

Struggling With Finding Purpose

19/11/2022


"I know the thoughts I think towards you. Thoughts of good, and not of evil, to bring you to an expected end."

I knew that I was missing out on something...

I really want to go all out and shine in my world. I've probably said this before, but I'll say it again...
"Everyone's doing something but I'm not."
They're all accomplishing, to a certain degree, purpose but I'm having trouble figuring myself out. 

We all need answers to our questions...

I guess the questions started flying out the moment I started 2nd semester of final year...

The drastic need to find out, "what next!" To find out what I wanted to do with my life. 

My mind was definitely going to blow up if I didn't get an answer because I tend to overthink a lot (Not something to be proud of) and these little rants in my head were going to put me in trouble if I did not find an answer soon.


Looking For Answers

To find purpose, you must first understand that a large amount of our being is made up not by our own might, but by a supreme and higher intellect.

 

We must first find out what really and truly makes up the character that is called "Treasure" (Insert your name if necessary).

 

Now, a lot of people would say, "Your purpose is your gift. It's what you do without feeling the need to quit. It's what keeps you smiling and pushing." 

 

That's only half the story...


The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines purpose as, "the reason why something is done or used; the aim or intention of something."

 

Any normal human being would definitely search Google, ask their parents, friends and loved ones but the fact is that they never really have the answer to these questions.

 

They can only give you pointers, but never the right answer. 

 

To find the use of a thing, you must first ask the producer of that said thing or read the manual...

 

And that's exactly what I did!

 


Reading The Manual and Facing Fears

So, I really needed answers and I do not consider myself a normal person and so, the first person I had to ask was God. 

 

Now, I had been reading my bible, praying, and basically keeping tabs on where I wanted to be, and what had really been going on in my life.

 

One morning, I had woken up, picked my bible, and just as I opened up the book, the first verse I saw was one I had seen way too many times...

 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT)

 

A very simple answer right?

 

Not!

 

With someone as myself, I'll probably overexact my brain trying to cook up direct answers fast and in the best way possible.

 

I really needed to be sure that whatever i was doing was "IT", and get down to business fast and be done with it.

 

You never really enjoy life that way.

 

I prayed about it, got prepared, and definitely continued on my journey through confusion (I'm still figuring it out, even now) and so, I searched Google (yay for success) for books on purpose.

 

I do not consider myself a typical hardcore reader, but I'm learning to read because there are answers that we cannot find unless we search for them sincerely, and what better way than a book. 

 

There were a variety of books, but one of these books stuck to heart. 

 

I won't reveal the title of the book now because I'm still reading it, but I'll tell you the title of the book when I'm done.

 

It stuck to me mainly because it was a Christian book, and most likely had because I just had this feeling that Father wanted me to read it and so I began reading.

 

Told a friend about it, and here we are.

 

Time skip a few days later, I'm literally pouring out my heart to God, and I'm telling him how I feel about this book and what I'm feeling at that moment (I feel like that's the best way I can relate with God, by talking to him) and all of a sudden, I don't know what to say.

 

I'm out of words and it's not because I don't have words, but because I can't say again, and that's when I hear it all back in my mind.

 

How insensitive I've been with the word of God and the miracles that have been happening in my life and of how I can't move forward because I'm afraid.

 

How I can barely trust God because I have a fear of uncertainty. 

 

We all fear something in life, but to find out that you're actually afraid in such a manner brings chills and makes me want to cry.

 

And now, I begin to see for myself that God is walking me through my solution, my answer and that he is preparing for me a great testimony.

 

There is nothing that God does not answer when we ask.

 

We're either too insensitive to see the answer or do not have faith.

 

I'll tell more tomorrow on my journey through self-discovery.

 

God loves you😌

 


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